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Here is some minion quote to keep you entertained

  • Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
  • I clean my house like everyone else.. 5 minutes before someone comes over.
  • I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow
  • Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says “Recalculating”?
  • Pet stores should post Chameleon” on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
  • You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
  • If hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
  • Alcohol-The best nighttime: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
  • Yes, autocorrect, that’s right. I hate that stupid ditch
  • Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
  • Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
  • I’m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
  • You know you are meant to be when you high-five after sex.
  • Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, “Aww f’ck…
  • They say money can’t buy you happiness, but I’ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
  • As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally flexible.
  • My son and his friends are great. They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
  • I’m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
  • How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
  • The best curve on a girl is her smile ;). Lol I was just kidding!
  • Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
  • I can’t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
  • A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
  • You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quicksand was going to be a serious issue in life.
  • You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, and sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
  • once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
  • Why is it called ‘after dark, when it is really after light
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