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famous minion quotes online

Here are some famous minion quotes online :

  • I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I’ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f’ck that up?
  • I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree.
  • I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
  • I love my six-pack so much, that I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • Damn… I’m having an out-of-money experience.
  • My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
  • Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
  • Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than l anticipated..go figure.
  • I’ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He’s gonna pay me that $50 he owes me or I’m showing these emails to his wife.
  • “we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
  • One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I’m going to visit.
  • There’s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
  • I’d get lost less frequently if GPS would say “no, your other left.”
  • Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise.
  • I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up.
  • It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
  • Everything happens for a reason. That’s why I drink to everything!
  • My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apparently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
  • Dont let Facebook fool you we ain’t friends
  • We should’ve let the guy who named oranges to keep naming other stuff.
  • Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cOCoa a plant…chocolate is a salad.
  • Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life’s problems
  • Sometimes just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
  • Doc: “How’s your headache ?” Me: “She’s at home
  • Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hellfire and hypothermia.
  • Hmmmmm, Turns out that all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
  • I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
  • Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
  • “Im on my way.” -People who have even left the house yet.
  • I don’t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you’re in a shark tank!
  • Why do they play this music on the elevators if we’re not supposed to slow dance?
  • Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have? Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
  • I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
  • Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, Sorry about that.
  • Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many women still sleep with their husbands.
  • I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but l just couldn’t pull it off..
  • You know that awkward moment when you thought someone’s talking to you so you reply to them, then they look at you weird
  • Pork is awesome, but it’s best when used as a verb.
  • Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
  • I’m so short, that I’m not even sure if this is funny or not.

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