MINION QUOTES ONLINE

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• I’m not single, I’m just really picky and no one has met my standards yet.
• Life is a bitch. So I am.
• The only exercise I do is running out of money.
• The magnet attracts. This means I am a magnet.
• My laptop screen is brighter than my future.
• Get ready to laugh and follow me.
• 100 problems 1 solution: a good joke.
• Life gives you a lemon, you ask for oranges.
• I am not on Facebook. So, I don’t have a funny status.
• The world is great. Until you wake up.
• Your attitude can hurt me; mine may even kill you.
• I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb… I also know that I’m not blonde.
• I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

• I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
• I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are missing.
• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• If we are what we eat, then I’m fast, cheap, and easy.
• I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
• I am so old, I can remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
• I’m not as dumb as you look.
• I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
• I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are missing.
• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

• I’m not saying that I don’t like my life, but sometimes I wish that things were just a little bit different.
• I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.
• If you’re happy and you know it, post this as your status.
• If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.