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- If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
- Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
- Water is the most essential element of life, because, without water, you can’t make coffee,
- My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?
- Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
- wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
- I’ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
- Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
- if you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I’m trying to unlock it more than two times, I’m driving off without you.
- In a new study women with large aSSes live longer. the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
- I just keep telling myself you guys don t have sex either.
- Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
- Every time I see a person jogging I already know they have Facebook, everyone on Facebook works out.
- You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
- Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested…
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